デイジかわいい

How is it that Kelis came to be accused of trying to be like Gaga? Kelis has always been "avant garde". If anything, Gaga is the by-product of Kelis' gutsyness when it comes to fashion. Let's never get it twisted children. #thatisall *chU* ^_^

charredcoal:

My mother told me that virginity is the MOST important thing a woman possessed, once you lose that, you are nothing. Nothing.

I wanted to ask, even after marriage? I had the suspicion that she would have said yes.

Anyway, when I finally told her about the sexual abuse in my past, she wept as if I was murdered, or rather part of me was murdered. She kept asking if I was still a virgin, to give any details (actions he had taken) that could give clues to the status of my virginity. She set up a doctor’s appointment for me (I ignored that action).

I was not sure if she was weeping for the pain I had undergone all these years, the after math, or because of the possibility that I was no longer a virgin.

I will always be suspicious that she was crying for the loss of my virginity.

I told her for comfort but all I got was judgement. I kept telling myself that she did not know any better, but the betrayal I felt never went away and I wish I hadn’t talked at all, because the burden was heavier after I talked.

Oddly, my father (who I was never closed to) came to me one night and told me that what happened was in the past and I should not let the abuser win by feeling any less human.

__________________________

I’ve been feeling more and more uncomfortable lately with the idea that as a woman my sexuality is not unitary. It is not my own or its own thing. It is so tightly linked to virtue…. and not only my own but also that of the other people I’m linked to by blood. I don’t understand why it is that because I am a woman, character is measured by the degree to which I am sexual/ express sexuality. What do these two things have to do with each other? I don’t like that my sexuality is a bargaining chip; to be traded in for the perception of good personhood. Its hardly a fair exchange. Why would anyone sane trade their sexuality in for a perception? Some of the worst women on earth are “God-fearing” virgins. Also, by saying that virginity is EVERYTHING, does that mean someone in the female form is here for sex-but-not-sex… that you are here to be a display, and not to live the human experience… your non-sexuality and supposed virtue attached to it a mantle for the church/father/mother/family’s honour… without which they are nothing? The most bizzare thing to me is this new trend where they host debutante balls for girls and their fathers, at which the girls promise their fathers to remain virgins until they are married. I see the intent- now there is AIDS and what have you, and the fact is that in a sexual relationship a woman is more vulnerable, she has more to “lose” thna the man…but seriously?! I must pledge my sexuality to my father? For what?!  …*sigh* … we get so caught up in these bodies…

Most importantly, I hope you are able to find a good space with what happened to you and how it has affected you and your family. Thank you for writing and sharing. Big hugs and kisses *chu* *chu*

charredcoal:

My mother tried to explain to me my lineage. I got cross eyed.

Makes me realize more than ever how random  and forced (national) African boundaries are, freakin’ colonization I tell you.

My mother told me, while laughing hysterically, that I am actually Azande (just called Zande in the Sudan). She laughs because it’s a family secret. The story behind it is epic.

The further up she goes in the lineage, the more I  feel connected to entire groups of people. It’s an amazing feeling.

People who are a bit fucked up in the head tend to have better humor.

raw-forte:

rootgroove:

(via actuallyimandrea)(via samisbamboozled)

TRUTH.